What causes anger? The idea that anger is a choice is an oxymoron, perhaps its a choice not to strangle the object of your ire, but the anger is still there.
The idea of anger management or how to manage your anger is also just as counterproductive.
You don’t manage anger, but you are maybe able to manage to not create havoc or mayhem, even though you are dizzy and seething with rage.
This is the problem with anger management, the actions are managed but the anger is still there. It also implies that anger can’t be eliminated.
Anger is all about control and/or not being in control. It is the opposite side of the depression coin.
It is about others trying to control you or you trying to control others or situations, and its not working. So the outburst is like a last ditch effort to get control.
I once knew a professional boxer. As a child his father savagely beat him at the slightest provocations. He channeled his anger into the sport, yet he was unable to overcome his anger and rage in his daily life.
He went to prison several times over rage and drug issues. He self medicated with marijuana to keep himself placid and calm.
Anger is also about unworthiness or feeling like you are not enough. You may place your own self worth on getting respect and when that does not happen you blow up in a totally unproductive attempt to regain control of your self respect.
Do you know any hotheads or bullies that are respected? Perhaps feared, but not respected, not real respect.
After your done with your temper tantrum you may feel guilty or you may be handcuffed in the back of a police car wondering why you got there. Anger can build to the point of mental illness.
You may not know what triggered the rage. That is because there are subconscious triggers and most all the “management” techniques in the world does little to rid us of the subconscious triggers.
So “controlling anger” does not work because anger is about lack of control. Think about it, what causes anger are conflicts or arguments with reality and why continue to attempt to control or argue with reality?
Arguing with reality is one of the main causes of unhappiness in the world today. So watch out for the "should have beens....", and the "could have beens....". Its all about lack of control.
Inner Influencing can help people like this boxer, it can help him regain the control that his father violently snatched from him. And it can help him to accept the things he can't control.
Inner Influencing is a marvelous tool for overcoming the lack of control and the anger it produces. It is quick and permanent. For less than the price of a single session with a therapist you can buy the course and start turning down your anger dials.