The driving force of NPD is a void, an emptiness that us normal people find difficult to understand. It is their life's mission to do whatever they have to do to not face this void. The narcissist will fill their lives with chaotic activity, seeking fulfillment from outside. This is why they seek constant attention, to avoid the void.
Imagine a beautiful cake covered in the most lovely frosting, when you cut into this cake there is nothing there, just a void covered with frosting.
To the NPD,
this void is pure terror, it is like staring into the gates of Hell
with multitudes of demons awaiting. They will do all possible not to go
into this void.
The frosting is a false personality, they work very hard constructing this and know it is empty.
This false personality formed or was inherited because of abuse in the family or the family tree. They seek to turn off intense feelings of self hatred and loathing.
Every once in a while somebody may get into
that void quite by accident and will find themselves in a
bizarre maelstrom. There will be yelling, suicide or abandonment threats, they may physically harm themselves.
They will do anything to
get away from this void. It could end up with an emergency visit to the
hospital or a week in bed with vague fevers and complaints and anything
you do to help will make the illness worse.
In families where NPDs rule everybody learns to walk carefully among the broken glass, the children learn to tell their NPD parent just what they want to hear and lose any sense of honesty.
They love to find reasons to be offended, its a great pastime and keeps the outside chaos flowing.
When in a relationship with an NPD, after some time you may notice this void. You may notice that the NPD only speaks about two subjects: How bad somebody or something is and how wonderful, great of beloved they are. Take away these two subjects, they have nothing, just the empty void.
NPDs know this. If you point out a fault you will force the NPD to face the void.
They would rather die, therefore they cannot be reasoned with, they will avoid the issue and instead start accusing you of something that happened 10 years ago.
You cannot keep them on the subject,
resolving conflict with an NPD is impossible, unless it is their way and all their way.
They tend to have above average I.Q.s, and are expert
readers of your likes and dislikes and will use them as ammunition
against you. They are expert liars and gaslighters. They can be
promiscuous or notorious adulterers.
Tormenting others is a way of life for an NPD. This keeps them away from the void. They are sociopaths and don't care one bit about your feelings, all they seek is to hide from the void, the misery and suffering they constantly endure.
They hate not being the center of attention, if you are reading, enjoying a conversation or watching a movie they didn't choose, they will interrupt with
An NPD will do anything to avoid the void, they will ruin lives..... but they MUST at all costs avoid the void.
As NPDs age they will get worse. If there is one consolation they likely will develop chronic illnesses, Parkenson's or dementia. They will end up alone with nobody wanting to visit a grumpy old NPD and being alone is what they fear the most.